I suffer from seasonal depression. Beginning in September it hits me. By the time October is here I feel like the picture of the tree above. Like I am half a person. One side seems normal and the other side doesn’t exist. I have been unable to write for the last few weeks because I have nothing to say. The things that I have been thinking should be bleeped out. Since you can’t bleep text I have waited until I was up to it. In the last week the clouds have started to lift.
I have come out of it a lot quicker this year than last. Last August, a mother of one of my former daycare kids was brutally murder. That started my depression, followed by my baby boy (18 year old) moving out and menopause. After the holiday I started to feel better. Then my husband became very ill. After he came home from the hospital I had a purpose again, someone to take care of. In February, he was admitted to a different hospital. When he came home he started recovering very quickly. When he didn’t need me anymore I felt rejected and slipped back into my depressed state.
Through most of 2016 I have spent my time off work in my room. It really needs to be cleaned but I don’t have the energy to do it. I have been working between 55 and 60 hours a week so that could be part of it. I recently have been put on oxygen at night. It seems to be helping because I can actually spent time outside of my room.
The downside is I am sleeping deeper and woke up last week to my boss calling. I slept through four alarms. I had to hurry to work without showering. I told her I would probably be late for my next job too. I needed to go home and shower. She said, “Paula, you looked fine.” I told her, “I don’t feel fine. I still have on yesterdays underwear.”