Monthly Archives: December 2016

Fatal Freda

My boss calls me Fatal Freda. I tend to see the worst possible outcome of, well, almost everything. I call it being cautious. My Grandma Alice was a big influence in my life. She was a cautious person. If I was going outside in the winter, as a young girl, she would say. “Put something on your head. You are going to catch your death of cold!” When I had my daughter, Grandma would ask me, “Where is that baby’s hat? She is going to catch pneumonia.” I’ll be damned if my poor little baby didn’t get pneumonia. With the help of a great hospital staff and my grandma she recovered quickly and always wore a hat.
 
I share the same view with the adults on “Christmas Story.” My son wanted a BB gun. My answer shouldn’t surprise you. NO! You will put your eye out (or mine or your sister’s or your brother’s or the neighbor’s). Enough said! So he asks his dad.. He got a BB gun and no one lost an eye.
 
 One day when I was sweeping the store I work at, I heard a strange noise. I followed the sound to the door that leads into the garage. I quickly found my boss and told her that there was a rattlesnake in the garage. She looked at me as she often does, like I am full of crap. She went with me and we followed the sound. Her expression told me she knew it was a rattlesnake too. We followed the sound to the new clean air machine that was nailed to the wall. “How did a rattlesnake get into that little thing?” “Paula, it’s not a rattlesnake,, it’s the fan.” “Oh. Are you sure?” The way she stomped away makes me think that she was sure.

Slip Sliding Away

 

This morning when I went to work in 1 degree weather, I was reminded how much I hate winter. I was a mere half a dozen blocks from my house when I realized my left butt cheek was numb. To all the people who have heated car seats, I envy you. Stupid leather seats! I would ask Santa for some seat covers if I thought my mouth hadn’t gotten me on the naughty list.

 

As the stoplight turned green, my tires spun on the ice. I have four wheel drive but I have yet to use it. Every winter my son and hubby go over the instructions with me. Since my memory is full of lyrics from the 70’s, I remember all most of the words to, ‘Schemer-Dreamer’ by Steve Walsh, but I don’t tend to recall what they told me.

 

Luckily I didn’t need to. As I slid around the corner I remembered when the kids were little and I refused to drive on ice. Hubby always drove and thought it was so funny to fishtail on ice. The kids loved it, me not so much. On one occasion my son’s friend was with us. He totally freaked out when the fishtailing began. I told hubby to stop because now I was freaking out too. My kids were having the time of their lives. You would of thought they were at Disneyland. I got hubby to stop the van and I walked home with the friend.  Needless to say, I soon learned to drive myself on ice.

Soap Operas, An End of An Era

 

I grew up watching soaps. My mom watched the ABC “stories”, Ryan’s Hope, The Edge of Night, Loving, All My Children, One Life to Live and General Hospital. Of the six only General Hospital remains. I remember faking sickness so I could stay home from school to watch Luke and Laura get married. I would go home for lunch from my Senior year in high school to watch what Erica Kane was up to on, All My Children. My dad would join me and soon he was hooked. He especially liked Billy Clyde Tuggle. I called in sick to work on the last episode of Edge of Night. A couple years later something wonderful happened. I bought my first VCR. I could watch my soaps without missing work. The problem with that was I could record all of my soaps. I then had to find time to watch them.

 

I remember when I was very young, probably kindergarten being at a babysitter’s house and hearing the theme to of Days of Our Lives. If I drive by that house, I hear the voice of Macdonald Carey say,“Like sands through the hour glass, so are the Days of Our Lives” in my head. I also remember visiting an elderly friend with my mother and she was watching Guiding Light. When I think of her I picture the episode that was playing that day.

 

Over the years I tuned into other channels. I think I have watched all of them at one time of another. There was once a channel called, Soap Opera Network. It showed some of the daytime stories that had been canceled. Just when you were really into one, they would stop showing it.

 

My kids were all named after soap opera characters. It’s not that I was that addicted to soaps, (actually I was and still am) these have the coolest names. When Santa Barbara was in it’s height of popularity, many parents started naming their daughters, Laken or Eden. They also have some of the oddest names. I cringed when Kendall, on All My Children Kendall named her son, Spike.

 

Another World was the first long time soap I watched that was canceled. Followed by Guiding Light, As the World Turns, All My Children and One Live to Live. It is the end of an era. Do you have a favorite show or memory of one?

A Hunting I Won’t Go

deer

Hunting season is upon us again. I am not a hunter nor do I enjoy eating anything that is hunted. Meat comes from the grocery store. End of discussion. My youngest son is a hunter and a fisherman. Is fish meat? I can eat the hell outta some fish.

 

I remember the first time my son, J, shot a deer. He was so excited. He was at a friend’s that lives on some acreage. He must have been about sixteen at the time. He would spend the whole weekend at his friends and hunt. When he called to tell me he got a deer, he also asked if I could call and find someone with a truck to help him. He called me back minutes later to say never mind but could I come and get him.

 

I went to pick him up in my minivan. I was playing on my phone waiting for him and his friend to come out. I wasn’t paying attention but he opened the back of the van and I was assuming he was putting his backpack and guns in the back.  They got in and I drove off. As we were nearing town I looked in my rear view mirror. WTH? I saw four furry legs sticking up in the back. I pulled over to take a closer look. “J, why is there a dead deer in the back of my van?” I believe I screamed. “I need to take it home. I washed him so he doesn’t stink”, was his answer. I did notice the smell was not coming from the deer but from him and his friend.

 

The moral of this story is pay more attention to your children or they may put something dead in your car.