Fatal Freda

My boss calls me Fatal Freda. I tend to see the worst possible outcome of, well, almost everything. I call it being cautious. My Grandma Alice was a big influence in my life. She was a cautious person. If I was going outside in the winter, as a young girl, she would say. “Put something on your head. You are going to catch your death of cold!” When I had my daughter, Grandma would ask me, “Where is that baby’s hat? She is going to catch pneumonia.” I’ll be damned if my poor little baby didn’t get pneumonia. With the help of a great hospital staff and my grandma she recovered quickly and always wore a hat.
I share the same view with the adults on “Christmas Story.” My son wanted a BB gun. My answer shouldn’t surprise you. NO! You will put your eye out (or mine or your sister’s or your brother’s or the neighbor’s). Enough said! So he asks his dad.. He got a BB gun and no one lost an eye.
 One day when I was sweeping the store I work at, I heard a strange noise. I followed the sound to the door that leads into the garage. I quickly found my boss and told her that there was a rattlesnake in the garage. She looked at me as she often does, like I am full of crap. She went with me and we followed the sound. Her expression told me she knew it was a rattlesnake too. We followed the sound to the new clean air machine that was nailed to the wall. “How did a rattlesnake get into that little thing?” “Paula, it’s not a rattlesnake,, it’s the fan.” “Oh. Are you sure?” The way she stomped away makes me think that she was sure.

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